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Tetsuu last won the day on October 2 2018

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  1. Time was moving forward, cruelly. The cold wind left me chilling as it passed by. It was midnight and time for me to wander to the park in search of a comfy bench to lay down on. The streets started to get colder, sometimes I wished to just stay there and succumb to the cold. And maybe, that wouldn't have been so bad. Maybe... Why not just do so? It's already been 7 years since then. Even when I'm used to this, I'm tired. And I want to rest, in peace. Exhausted. Far too much to care anymore. Far too much to hope for a miracle anymore. I go back to where I was. And lay on the chilling sidewalk with my arm being the only thing able to support my head. I felt the cold get to me. I felt something reaching to my throat, a feeling similar to being strangled, but more merciful. "Oh, am I dying already? No, dying should be more extreme than this. Ah, I feel relieved somewhat. No more struggling through every day just to find something to eat, so that I could breathe for one more day. One more day of what? Not much of value, just another day of misery. I feel like a worker finally getting a day off. Ah, now I think I understand how dad felt like before our last trip." I felt like my whole body going numb. I felt, nothing. My eyes began to waver, I felt comfy, more than what I ever was when I stayed on the hot streets during the day or the cold benches during the night. "Can I finally take a nice long, peaceful nap? Maybe. For some reason, I am sure of it. Ah, finally, a good night's sleep."
  2. On that night he walked alone. With no destination in mind, betrayed by the world for the last time, he halted his time and sat in a dark empty corner which had been long since abandoned and now it’s filled with complete nothingness. As he retired to the floor, curled in the fetal position, he thought, “Did I simply want to be loved? Was that the only thing I ever actually desired? All this time I thought I could have lived without it but, it was nothing other than an illusion. In the end it was that feeling that I wanted to experience the most. However, they forsake me. In spite of all that I did for them, they never saw me as a person of their own, did they?” And then, those words came to him, “To live is to suffer." He told himself constantly while drowning in an ocean of anger and despair. “But can I do anything anymore? I realized this after such a time when I wouldn’t be able to turn it to the way it should be. What will happen to me now? I wonder. Will, I ever find my salvation, or will I live here for the rest of my life, hidden and slowly rotting away?” He kept shivering in fear. At that moment he remembered the last words his mother had left for him before disappearing, “If only you never existed, if only you disappeared, none of my misery would have taken place.” As those words rang in his head he thought, “I really was beaten up good by the people I loved the most.” A madman’s laugh could be heard from a distance. It was none other than the boy himself. A foolish begging young one succumbed to despair. Lost all hope for anyone and everyone, he said, “If the world will never accept me, then I'll simply destroy it. All losses in this world are due to a lack of ability. If I'm to enter that wicked world again, I'll become strong, strong enough to exact revenge on each and every one who betrayed. If my fate is to die, I’ll die in style. Only by placing the whole world in a state of terror, I’ll rest in peace.” Completely immersed in a swamp of tragedy, he moved forward. He was beautiful in that struggling state. Enough to bend the world to its knees.
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