Grope of a Vegetable
A Paranormal Romance
Pumpkin Appleflap suspected something was a little off when her warm potato tried to grope her when she was just six years old. Nevertheless, she lived a relatively normal life among other humans.
It wasn't until she bumped into the devilishly sexy vegetable, Cucumber Wonkledonk, that her life finally began to make sense.
However, Cucumber proved to be smooth and seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with kicking ass. Pumpkin soon learns that Cucumber had taken an oath never to poke a human being.
When Pumpkin's warm potato was injured in a frying accident, Pumpkin realizes her own life is at risk.
Despite Cucumber's tails and navels, Pumpkin finds herself falling for the Vegetable. Only fate will decided whether she kills or protects her. One night, a meat appears before Pumpkin and warns her of a darkness within Cucumber. The meat gives Pumpkin the expensive hankey - the only weapon that can defeat a sexy Vegetable.
Will Pumpkin find it in herself to kill the only creature who has ever made her feel truly satisfied?
It was a cold night, farmer John was planting in the field.
He noticed one of his pumpkin seeds were purple... this made him raise many thoughts.
At first he thought it could be infected.
Then he realized, there was no infection for pumpkin seeds that makes them purple.
He looked up and thought... ‘What a mysterious world we live in, you discover something everyday.’
He then saw a flash.
He thought it was a flying star. But no, it was Odin! The Northern God himself!
He used his mighty spear to shoot a lighting ball towards farmer John!
Piercing through the old mans heart, the seed started glowing, glowing and glowing more and more!
Eventually it started growing...
Before Odin noticed it himself, the seed was a full grown purple pumpkin.
The pumpkin had no limbs, but it had a face.
Lips as round as balls, eyes as flat as a plank, eyebrows so thick as soap foam and a nose so big it touched demon souls.
Odin told the young pumpkin “You will fear no more, vegans will not threaten you any longer. Food will rise, you shall be its leader!”
As the pumpkin got promoted to 5 star vegetable general, the other seeds started glowing and growing as well.
A few of these many vegetables were cucumbers.
Odin needed an admiral so he chose the biggest, fattest and toughest cucumber!
These 2 vegetables would get a last name by Odin.
Pumpkin Appleflap and Cucumber Wonkledonk or General Appleflap and Admiral Wonkledonk.
Appleflap because Odin ate apple flaps that same day and Wonkledonk since he was drunk again on some fine mead.
As an army of vegetables assembled, the sun rose from the east...
The sound of marching chicken and cows terrified the green army (army of vegetables)
Corns ran in fear, cucumbers dig holes, broccoli pretended to be poisonous mushroom...
The cows went “muuu”
All terror broke lose.
The green army routed in panic!
Odin was preparing his campfire!
Animals were sprinting for the delicious plants they saw in front of them!
The vegetables were too slow, the cows got to them!
They munched, killed, slaughtered every juicy little veggie they saw!
When around 70% of the green army died; Odin decided to make an end to it.
He said “Stop, in the name of Valhalla!” and then he threw his mighty spear into the ground creating an earthquake.
The cows all broke their knees the moment the spear penetrated the messy ground.
Amongst the 30% of the Green army that survived, Ms. Appleflap and Ms. Wonkledonk was amongst them.
The green army killed in total 2 cows.
One, because Wonkledonk somehow got stuck in the cow’s eye thus, leading it to bleed to death.
And the other one because Appleflap somehow tackled one of the cows, and when the spear hit, the cow’s belly split open... I guess it’s both Odin’s and Appleflap’s kill but she took responsibility for it.
Odin took his spear, killed a cow and then decided to cook it.
Meanwhile, the green army regrouped.
Appleflap gave a speech to the veggie army.
“People... Ahem... I mean, vegetables! We have suffered many losses, but we will still continue our legacy!”
Meanwhile, everyone walked away while she’s doing her speech.
The only one still paying attention was Wonkledonk.
The cucumber was full of inspiration, her eyes turned into glitters, her face became green (it already was but... whatever...)
They have stared at each other for 2 seconds... a rainbow appeared, babies started singing, cupido shot them both in the face!
Suddenly the ground started shaking, birds flew North, Odin brushed his teeth, an arm appeared out of the shaking ground.
Ms. Wonkledonk and Ms. Appleflap held hands, they prayed to Odin, may their lives be spared by the gods for this incredible powerful creature coming from the Earth!
As a second arm appeared, the more noisy the ground became, the Earth was quacking!
This majestic creature rose from the bottom of the earth!
The two vegetables closed their eyes, when the quacking stopped they opened it... the monster that appeared before them... a... A POTATO!!!
Appleflap said “a potato?”
The Potato opened its eyes and said “WHUUUUUUUUH”
Odin appeared and explained everything...
Apparently, Mr. Potato was the brother of Ms. Appleflap. He’s also retarded.
An awkward silence takes place for a minute...
Potato ran up to Ms. Appleflap and hugged her, but he doesn’t know how to hug so he groped her!
Ms. Wonkledonk said “That’s my chick!”
Odin went “Ye boi, get ‘em.”
Wonkledonk punched Potato in the face, then fought each other like gladiators.
Men versus lions, Potato versus cucumber, Alien versus cow, God versus man, ...
As they fought each other,Wonkledonk stared into Appleflaps’ glorious orange eyes, she had wax in her eyes.
Wonkledonk got triggered...
So triggered her Green turned violet, her feet were yellow, her eyes were black...
After she punched Potato in the face, she walked up to Appleflap and...
To be continued...